The Dance...

  A Short story ..

There was a reason that Sam... was the best pool shooter in the place.
Sam was always the first guy in the pool hall, practicing and waiting,
like a lion waits in the grass...for his prey to come along.
When you play pool for money... you pay after every game.
 That was the unwritten, unspoken, pool hall's rules of playing pool.
 If you can't pay then don't play.

Thats the reason not to many guys would try to take him on, or try to win his money playing pool.
It was a losing proposition.

 P.J. was the kind of guy everyone hated, but would not tell him to his face.
 He was a bully and an asshole, the kind of guy who would play you all day for money and then when you were done playing and had him stuck for fourty or fifty dollars, he would tell you that he forgot his wallet. That he would pay you tommorow or the next time he would be in the place. 
It was his usual bullying tatic... because if you asked him for your money now, he would get mad and want to fight you.

Sam looked up and saw P.J. come waltzing through the door,  he just kept practicing.
It was like a ballet that Sam had danced ...many times before.
P.J. smiled and they looked at each other and smiled at almost the same time, they both knew what the other was thinking.
Sam thinking, here comes an easy mark...P.J. thinking... should I try him.
 "Whats up Sam?" P.J. said  as he sat down on the stool.
"Nothing P.J., whats up with you?" Sam replied.

 Sam kept on hitting the balls in a slow steady rhythm... until the pool table was cleared.
 Waiting for his opponent to speak those words, that he loved to hear.
"Want to shoot some Sam?"  he said as he got up and rounded the pool table, he walked to the other end and gathered the balls.
 He knew Sam would  play.
If they played for money...he knew Sam would play anybody.
P.J.actually thought that it was Sam's weakness... in a strange twisted way.
He already owed most of the regular guys in the poolhall money. So why not one more?

"Do you have any money P.J.?" Sam asked.
 "Yea, I do". P.J. answered. " Fuck you, Sam. What the fuck do you think I am ?"
That was usual intimidating tactic, start cussing real loud.
"Well, you owe almost everyone  that comes in here money, so what do you think ?" Sam  answered.
"I always pay Sam.", It might be later but I always pay." P.J yelled.
"Don't talk shit to me Sam, I'll fuck you up" P.J. said,  stopping and glaring at Sam.
 "If you don't have any money or you want to play on the wire *, I ain't going to waste my time with you." Sam answered very casually.

He already  knew P.J's  moves, intimidation would not work with him.
 Sam always kept his cool, that is why he was the best pool player in town...
Sam knew everybody's moves.

To Sam this would be easy money for him, but he had to dance the dance.
 He had to make his opponent feel good about losing their money to him.
That was his best move.
"O.K ...P.J.... rack'em up. let's play" !
"How much do you want to play for ?"... Sam said with a big smile.

The prey had come, the chase was over.
The feast had begun.

*On the wire, is a term used to describe a system of keeping track of who wins and who loses
 on a wire that runs across the top of a billiard table. The loser usually pays what is due at the end of the session of playing.

The Flower Watchers..

A tender flower grows...
somewhere in the world
Each day, she stretches toward the sun,
 growing more beautiful and special...
each day
bringing a smile to all...
who happen to look upon her

They  are in awe of her beauty, marveling
 at the creation of the Lord...
 Grow my sweet flower..
for you are special..
full of Hope and Faith

Someday there will be one
 who plucks you... for your innocence,
 because  he will want you for his own ..
 he will deprive the world
 of what the Lord has given... us
   
Or you will find your way... in the world
and understand... that your life is special
 and we...the flower watchers
 will not notice...
because we will have moved on...
 to the next flower

All but me...my flower...
for you will always be in my heart ..
 The memories ...of what we experienced
 will never be another's..
but a special moment known...
only between us

Blue Powdered Sky

How can I tell you... what I see
if you will not look...
for the reality..
let me  free you.. to
look into my mind..


Try to see images of...
a forgotten  place,
within the reason...
of eons past....time and space

Long lost words ...of forgotten prose
a timeless moon shows
a withered Rose

Blue powdered sky.. where eagles fly
a surreal lake ..
a sight to partake
only the eyes .. will be surprised
to find me there ...
breathing the air

While holding you .. in a scene so blue
 random words ...they fill my mind
let me share them... with you,
if you... be so kind..

A Poet's Words..

A poet uses words...
 like the clouds use the rain,
warming each soul, 
with drops of comfort,
whether with a chilling shiver...
or a refeshing awakening

 As each... feels something different
 when they experience... the sensation
of  each drop of water
 falling into their world.. softly,
 or each word...piercing

  The words of a poet... very often
 fall lightly...like snow
 on one's tongue..
each individual  flake
 unique... in it's own way,
 pleasing to the senses ...
yet disappearing...
after settling into the mind

 As thoughts of love
come from a place...deep within,
 yes .. even a heart of stone
 can develop cracks

 For time...can outlast and break
the heaviest of hearts..
 and love...will never die,
as it remains in the center
 of any mind ..
forever

What is my Love ....

What is my love.. 

as it floats lightly and high

but a tiny searching butterfly,

 who tries only ..

to reach the sky

As from each tender flower

it alights..

keeping  it's  focus

on loves... greater heights

 

 What is my love..

but a simple stream 

flowing softly... driven

towards it's dream

Knowing that it will

 reach it's end...perhaps 

finding love

around the next big bend

 

What is my love...

sometimes... a cloudy sky

 seeking the sun...

that rests on high

Filled with rays..of golden heat

growing stronger

 with  each heartbeat

 

Now you hold  my Love ...so tenderly

my love is yours..

no longer free

Like the butterfly... flying to the sky,

or the simple stream..

that haunts my dreams

For the cloudy sky... is the reason why

I have faith...my Love

you are the one...

 that warms my heart,

 with your golden sun

Out of Sight .. Out of Mind

I thought I saw the blur...
or was it the look in your eyes
 the one I had seen...
when I looked... to the skies

Was it the color
of what... your blue heart meant,
or had we played all
 of our mind cards...
 money saved... was all spent

Nothing left to lose...
 we bet it all
now... just waited for the thud
from the awful fall

Remember the river
the flowing water..as it passed
once gone under the bridge
 it became part of the last
 of what ...we knew
was a memory bright,
 now gone... but not forgotten
just out of our sight

I Know Why... the Caged Bird Sings...

 I  love this poem.. even though I did not write it ..


The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
an the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

Maya Angelou

Seasons of Change

Seasons of change ....  yet I am the same
in my own mind... only when I look into the mirror 
do I see the reality of who I am, the bags under my eyes...
they stir my mind to thought

Am I getting enough sleep ..is that it...
 or is it just in my own mind...
 that I do not realize ...that my body is aging

Women constantly fear the onset of aging
noticing the single strand of one white hair..on their pretty head...
all the while  forgetting that...

They are still the beautiful person ..within
 they are still that young teenager...
 who got giddy... the first time
 that young boy noticed them,
 made them feel special..
touched their hand
 in a soft grip

Is that what our lives are all about..
 moments passed..so fast that...
we only remember them
 when the memories replay so slowly

Reminding us of  our times we had..
reflected in the mirror... of the seasons
 that passed.. shown in the true color
  of a single strand... of white hair

Perception of Calm

When we let our minds go free ..
the wildest dreams .. come alive..
giving us... the perception of calm

All of a sudden, the noise made me turn around. The small hissing noise was in my head, then it grew louder as I turned to look at the horizon.... searching for the source.

It had just rained …which seemed puzzling at the time. The sky was covered with semi-colored clouds, both dark and white, I heard rumbling noises, they were left over from the storm that had just passed and had drenched the landscape.

I saw light in the center of the sky that I mistook as a rainbow at first glance, but it was too bright to be a rainbow, the color of the light was intense and focused like a spotlight on a stage.

As I focused my sight, the light turned into a yellowish color with small specks of blue and white in the center that sparkled like glitter. The light was coming from the center of a band of dark clouds that were in the center of the sky.

I dropped my gaze back to the horizon, looking to concentrate on where the light was shining down...many miles from where I was standing.

The land was sandy and brown with green shrubs that dotted the landscape, The hissing sound then started to grow very loud like the sound of a machine that was beginning to warm and now was at full strength, ready to do its work.

Then I was amazed at the sight of the truck, no …it was a full size recreational camper... that was being lifted by the light. It floated upward very slowly at first, as if being drawn by a magnet, then seemed to gain speed as the sound of the hissing grew unbearable to my ears so that my first impulse was to cover them. I watched the truck, its green and white stripes on it's side and top start to spin as the light gripped its large frame like a toy in a child’s hand. It steadily rose in the sky, spinning faster and faster on it's journey thru the center of the bright light, sparkling as it passed the dark and light clouds that made the sight, with the hissing sounds and the different colors, a barrage to the senses. Frozen in my stance, all I could do was watch until the truck reached the source of the light, by then it had reached a fantastic speed so that it appeared to disappear when it reached the source of the light in the center of the sky.

The sound of the explosion and the bright flash in the clouds, brought me back to a sense of reality. At what I thought was a dream at the time... seemed very real. In my reaction to the sound of the explosion and the flash in the sky, all I could think of was run... run as fast as you can, it did not matter where.

As my feet started to move I could feel the sandy dirt where I stepped, causing me to slip, my mind was moving faster than my feet wanted to. I thought that I heard shouting, I looked up to see two men on a power pole, which made no sense to me at the time, because I hadn't noticed any sort of civilization. I hollered upward at them “did you see that?”. They were saying something I could not hear, because my ears were still ringing from the reverberating sound of the explosion, that bounced from one side to the other in my head.

I heard a whistling sound behind me that grew louder as I ran, then I realized what the two men on the pole were trying to tell me. When I turned to look at what was happening, the the landscape exploded like a series of bombs had been dropped in one huge mass, flattening the surrounding landscape, the hills that I had seen were gone. This brought forth an eruption of dirt and dust that grew into a huge brown cloud. I turned back to run in the opposite direction again, trying to tell my feet to move. I could see the fallout from the first explosion in the sky begin to rain down on the landscape ahead of me, I felt small burning embers, gray and hot on my skin. The smell was like burning paper that came from a fire someone had just put out, a combination of water, smoke and dust filled the air, making it both fresh and musky at the same time.

Again I looked up at the sky and it was a combination of a starry night and a bright day that switched back and forth as my eyes tried to return to normal. The stars were falling slowly towards the earth in a slow motion of sparkles and gray hues, it was beautiful to the eyes and scary to the mind. It was then that the dust cloud covered me, overwhelming my sight with a brown cloud that made me choke as the dirt went down my throat and into my nose. I came over a hill and spotted the small town, in my mind... I knew that I had been here before.

I ran toward the first building I saw, a small gas station that looked like it hadn't had a customer for a long time. As I came around the corner of the building I could hear the sounds of confusion and panic, people were running to and fro like ants on an ant pile, when someone steps into it.

Then I saw a man in a phone booth, I approached and I heard him say “don't try to scoop this story on me, I will get the credit on this”, his fingers were to fat to fit into the little holes on the dial as he excitedly tried to make a call

I shouted at him “what happened? Did you see that truck?” The words tumbled from my mouth like they couldn't wait for each other. Turning back toward the street, my eyes took in the full story of what was happening.

I was in a small town, on a main street that wasn't long in distance, but crowded with people that were looking at the sky, they were all trying to understand what had just happened. They were peering up at the sky with amazement and wonder... as the dirt, dust and burning embers that looked like stars ...drifted slowly to the ground, just slow enough to make everyone freeze in their tracks giving the perception of calm.

Social Media and the Government..

Is Perception Reality...Or is Reality just our Perception

 

Many times... to start a political discussion, is to brace for the slings and arrows of those who see your opinion, as nothing but a blatant attack on their way of life, which eventually breaks down into what News organization you are particular to in your life.

 

As to any media being different from the other...

 is  all in the mind of the beholder.

Judging... how our society views  the current fad of social media,  we should know that the old saying  "Perception is reality " is truer now than ever.

For our current media is biased on the  perception of judging one through the use of innuendo and gossip.. before  they can truly understand the circumstances of  the situation the individual is involved in.

 Knowing that the media is biased ...and as a conglomerate who only  seeks a profit  in order to survive, begs the questions of .. Are they still the  watchdog of  Government.. for the people ?

 Are they asking the right questions.. or have they become enamored with the popularity  of social media, forgetting their primary job of finding the waste and fraud of Government..

or are they only  turning mundane  happenings of the ordinary day to  day circumstances of life... into the perceived  fashion of sensational news .. only to receive higher ratings.

 

Now our country has changed  much and we have grown  the government into a massive  behemoth.. that spends billions of our tax dollars ..mostly frivolously  on pet projects and political crony payoffs to the extent that corruption and scandal have become commonplace.  Our society  has become so involved in the social media culture, especially the younger generation.. that you can say that the media has brainwashed our children,  by  keeping them so distracted on the issues that are important only to certain political people in power and not the problems that face our society which will eventually bring our way of life as Americans  to an end...is a conspiracy between the government and media which can not be denied.

 

 

The government machine has gotten so huge ...that the line has been blurred  between the reality of perception and the truth we deserve to know about our government, this brings to forefront.. who is watching  the government  now, since the media has  jumped into the bed with the political elite.. fawning over and making stars of the political leaders who serve as our public servants.

We the people need to understand that the media have lost their fundamental understanding of investigation and  reporting on the  massive fraud that  we now support.

 It will lead to a revolt sooner or later  and when the economy collapses  then and only then will we realize that we were sheep in love with the one technology that could have saved our society , if we had only perceived it as so.. not for social change, but  to pull back the curtain our government has  hidden behind  all the while.

What a woman wants to hear...

What a woman wants to hear..

What are the words, a woman wants to hear
Shall I tell you softly... whisper it in your ear

Are my words better spoken, or put on a page...
written down in haste.. shouted with rage

Together as one... we will walk on the sand
as I kiss your sweet lips, while holding your hand

Let me pluck you a flower, a bouquet or a Rose
while we sit close together, and I write you this prose

A friend or a Lover, whichever you see...
as long as you keep me, very close to thee

My emotions in words, when spoken out loud
convey my feelings...and take my soul to the clouds

Noemi Novella... you are beautiful to me
a classy, sweet woman... a tender heart so free

An angel on earth, that is what you are
A light in the universe, shining like a star

Can I take your heart...across the sky
and light up the night, as together we fly

touching the clouds,  chasing the sun so bright
bringing the stars... home with us... tonight

Nappyhair poetry: Līgo Haibun Challenge – Free Fall

Nappyhair poetry: Līgo Haibun Challenge – Free Fall

The freedom of fall...caught me
              walking down this dusty road,
        hopping sprightly across lily pads
               like an over-bloated toad

How could I have known
       the pond........ would be so deep,
the road so long
       I would forget about sleep...
while searching through twilights
       early glimmering stars

Looking out the window
     for crazy speeding cars
you were from Venus
    I was from Mars

Dodging the lonely
     all the while... standing tall
holding on to the sensation...
     of  loves Free Fall

My Voice Calls Out

My Voice Calls Out..

Words have their own feelings,
emotions and moods,
when they leave us suddenly
we then sound so crude

Meanings not felt,
are hollow to the core,
my voice calls out
still always wanting more

So I try and I try,
 to seek them out..once again,
but my heart's painful journey
knows it can't win

Forever forgotten ...
 lonely and scarred,
words of love, dreams and beauty
won't come to this bard

Mans soul is unique...
 kept in a beautiful space,
Words are powerful objects
  and both have... their own place

 

Forgotten Love Dreams

Where does the heart go ..
when it is broken and  low,
 does it lay down softly,
does the beat within... slow

 It looks for the place,
where the tree's have no leafs ...
 standing there silent,
 nothing hidden in sleeves

They have all fallen..
to the hard...frozen ground
 that is where the soul goes....
 to build a... final burial  mound

Buried asunder..
 are forgotten love dreams
 of  pages written...used now for
 holding the many reams,
they lay stacked so high
blocking out the sun
 making one forget
 what has become undone

 Now let the heart sleep...
  and be taken away,
from  the memories deep,
  when transported to the time...
 when  the heart did not weep
 and expression was so true,
with  a love  just to keep
was what I wanted... from you


 

One slip away

One slip away...

Deadly thoughts... are what I find ..
 while crossing, running..
across space and time
only one  slip away... from going down
hold my heart .. wipe away this frown

 Just how sweet.. could this moment be
 should I  stop
 or should I flee,
choices done ..now look away
this where love... comes to play

 With sharpened wit
  that cuts so deep,
don't turn your head ..
or long you'll sleep

My tattered heart
 It wants you so,
knowing you ...could never go
softly cooing  like gentle dove
hoping you....
 could see the love

The lullaby... of loves sweet song
 takes us... no brings us...
all along,
on this deadly ...race  we run,
 when we play with love
 for.... just the fun

I will come soon ...so do not fret
 for words from you..
I never regret
but biting  soft..
 is always allowed
 just don't do it... in a crowd

Because if I yell
  with pleasured yelp...
people will try.... to give me help
 and you know that... when I pull the spread
 none have left ...lofty bed

So build it high... I will then fly
to highest perch,
seeing all.... from darkest lurch
 for while you walk...
 into the church

 With sinners lost and souls
 to save... when
smitten by  a lusty knave
who uses words of poetry
 to break your walls
 of  lonely need

Loves Favorite Nursery Rhyme

 Felt like writing something.. had to let myself..
unwind,
 these were races... that were running...
completely... in my mind,
for some reason... I did find 
 if you figure it out, call me... so kind

My name is in the book,
 open it......very carefully
because everywhere.. you look

The words will drop
 the image.... slithers...
creeping through darkest night,
 leaving words.... with edges sharp
 across the span of earthly colored light

Words to send ...for one to touch from
across... the space of time,
just to light a tiny flicker
of loves ...favorite nursery rhyme

The one you know .. you have waited for
while sailing through... 
numerous life times,
when what you thought, you remember
 was that perfect moment
 of lines

Caught listening to the soul 
 while it lay wrapped...
 in loves... tender vine,
 That's when she whispered
 softly....
my darling ...you are mine



 


 

Blind Date...

The Blind Date

“Hello, I hope I didn't keep you waiting to long” he asked her as he slid into the booth opposite the brunette.

“ I am doing much better now that you got here.” she lightly whispered, looking around the bar trying to see who was watching them. She didn't want stand out, although she was dressed to kill.

“I have been sipping on my third drink while I waited for you” she lied. “I thought you were going to stand me up.”

She had always played the victim so easily, it seemed to come naturally to her.

“No, I kinda got delayed” .. he answered trying to keep eye contact with her, all the while looking at her blouse which was very low cut, exposing her full breasts in the low light.

He couldn't tell her that it took him a while to find and rent a motel room that was quiet and out of the way.

“You look very beautiful tonight ..” he said, wondering if he had made a mistake agreeing to meet her.

“Let me buy you another drink... if I can get that waitress attention”, he said as he lifted his hand up and waved it into the air.

“So... what is a beautiful woman like you doing on a website like that ? ” he asked, wondering if his girlfriend believed him when he said he had to work late.

“Well, I am a serial killer in reality and I am just hunting down another man, trying to lure him in with my beauty” she answered, staring into his eyes waiting for his reaction while giving a wry smile.

“Can I get you something ?” the waitress shrill voice said, breaking into their conversation.

“Yes, please give me a vodka on the rocks and give her another drink.”

“You got it, I'll be right back with that” she answered as she turned and walked away. He wanted to look at the waitress's ass, but knew it would be disrespecting the brunette and he didn't want to make a mistake like that, after noticing that she was as pretty as her picture. He knew that a lot of women posted fake pictures on these kind of websites, but... he thought, I have hit the jackpot.

“And just where do you plan to kill me at, your place or mine ?” he said slowly shifting his eyes from her stare downward to her breasts.

“I am not sure … I haven't decided yet.”

“I hope you are planning on killing me by loving me to death” he said. Oh man .. I can't wait.

“The faster we drink, the quicker I can dispense of you” she laughed, again giving that wry smile as her voice tried to make it sound like a joke. “That way, I might be able to find another victim and get me two kills tonight.”

Now sounding more serious, she stared intently at his face, then moved her sight downward and stared straight at his crotch.

“Wow, you are scaring ....” he stopped his sentence as the waitress appeared and set the drinks on the table. “Fourteen fifty” she said, glancing at the beautiful brunette jealously while she waited for him to pull out his wallet.

“Keep the change” he said as she took the twenty dollar bill and turned and walked away.

“Is that your real name or do you use an alias ? ” he asked trying hard to keep his gaze on her face. His imagination was out of control now. He could feel the blood in his body quickening as he thought of the night to come.

“Of course it isn't my real name silly, would I tell you my real name if I was going to kill you ?” she said. Then she reached over and touched his cheek. “I might have second thoughts about killing you right away and just torture you slowly first, then kill you after.... because you are so sweet.”

“I think I would like that better” he said, as he took a gulp of his drink, hoping that he could sway her to go to a motel.

“Lets drink up and find a quiet place to talk … any suggestions” she said, giving him another look at her full breasts as she leaned in towards him.

Well, I just happen to have a motel room... not to far from here, we can go there” he said.

“Great, Lets do it !” she answered.

When she arose from the booth he got a good look at the rest of her and was awed by how hot she was. As she walked to his car he walked behind her and was still wondering why she kept bringing up the killer routine.

Aw.. she must be joking .. trying to make small talk to ease up the sexual situation he thought.

The drive was very quiet and the way she was staring at him; like a deer about to be eaten by a lion was starting to make him a bit uncomfortable, but as they pulled into the parking space in front of his room he felt full of confidence.

As soon as they entered the room.. she said,“Hey...excuse me while I freshen up a little .. I will be right out” as she started toward the bathroom.

“Okay... I will get the bed ready”, he said as she closed the bathroom door behind her.

He walked over to the drawer next to the bed and pulled out the long shiny razor, putting it under the pillow.

“Hey... you aren't getting your killing tools ready in there are you ?” he called out, as he turned the lights down low.
 He then tightened the leather strap he had around one wrist and pulled it tight around his other hand as he stepped behind the bathroom door....waiting for her to come out.

The door handle turned  slowly ..." Are you ready"  she said...

False Impressions

False Impressions

The ringing of the phone startled him awake. Turning over with a heavy sigh he rose up from

the bed and walked over to the dresser where the phone lay.

 “Hello” he said sleepily as he flipped the phone open. “John, are you awake yet ? ”

 The gruff voice on the other side of the phone said.

 “I want you to be there early and wear that nice grey suit I gave you, okay ? ”

“This is the big day, I don't want you to be late. Now get moving and I will meet you in the lobby

okay? ”

“Yes, I will be there on time” he said. He closed the phone and started to go back to bed when

the phone rang again. He looked at it angrily and picked it up again.

 “ Hello” he said. “John, I'm just calling to make sure you are getting ready son.” It was his mother,

Now she is worried about me huh? He thought to himself.

  “I'm getting ready, mom.” he said, trying to sound as sincere as he

could. “Okay John, I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best for you, don't worry, everything

will be fine.” Yes thats what they keep telling me. “Okay mom, I need to go get ready. ” He laid down

the phone and walked into the bathroom.

The hot water felt good as it hit his body, he felt good in a different way at least for a little

while. I should have known better. I could have walked away from her, I could have said, no I can't

give you a ride. If I had just done that. If I could just do it all over again, he thought. He dressed

quickly, and made all the adjustments that he thought would make him look good... False

impressions, he thought to himself. Make people believe that you are actually human, put on your

disguise.

He looked at himself in the mirror, combing his hair, “Well I guess now I look like a

normal person, as normal as can be” he said to the young man looking back at him.

No one really knows what happened ... why I did what I did, they could not understand what I did,

John thought. All they say or could say is that I had done it...crossed the line... where you can

never come back from and now, I can't make it all go away by saying I'm sorry.

As he walked out his apartment he ran into Mrs. Anderson, the lady who lived down the hall.

“Good morning John” she said. “Good morning Mrs. Anderson” he said as he went past her. “My

 you look very nice today John, Something special going on today? ” she asked.

“No Mrs. Anderson, I have an interview for a job so I have to look good” he answered. “Well, good

luck John.” she answered, as he went out the front door of the building slowly walking to the bus

stop.

John thought about his father. Where was he when I needed him to teach me the difference

between right and wrong. He could have explained that there are boundaries in life and when you go

outside the boundaries you face the consequences of your actions.

The cell phone rang as he sat waiting for the bus, “Hello” he said into the receiver.

“I'm on my way” he answered. “Are you sure everything is in place ? ” He asked with a slight quiver

in his voice. “Thats easy for you to say, your future isn't on the line, you aren't facing the reality of

where I am,” John uttered as he hung up the phone. You aren't the one who will be evaluated, you

aren't the one who will have to deal with the repercussions for the rest of your life.

As he sat on the bus he thought, I know that the things I did were wrong. He turned and looked

around and saw the pretty girl sitting across the isle smile at him. And he thought why not? He looked

good in the new suit, he looked like a normal young man. John's thoughts went back to the past when

he was a child. I need a a way to forget the childhood experiences, all the bad memories of being left

n the room with the Pastor. All the lonely sleepless nights with his cousin, who would make him do

vile nasty things with out batting an eye or hearing his whimpers, these things would define him.

If the things that were done to him were wrong and if it made someone else feel good by their

actions, then why was it wrong for him to feel good. No one has the answers for these questions. I

always end my thoughts with these damn questions, thought John.

The chatter of the other riders brought him out of his secret world. He turned and looked at the

girl and she was still looking at him so he smiled back at her. Not this time, he thought. As the bus

pulled over to the curb he rose from his seat and stepped out into the street. There was the building, it

looked huge, it was a monolith, a glass palace of people coming in and out all in their own worlds.

Who really knows what all these people are hiding, are they normal ? Men in suits, most were either light gray or dark blue, ladies in bright skirts or suit pants all looking very normal.

John walked up the double door and opened it, he walked in and the sight of the security guards

scared him. “Hello sir” the security said to him, “would you empty your pockets sir? ” John gave him

blank stare like he didn't understand what he wanted and then said, “ I don't have anything in my

pockets.” He walked through the scanner and then started looking for the closest elevator. I am the

victim, I am not the monster, I am not the criminal, he thought. The elevator opened and the people

walked out and then he proceeded to get in alone. “That girl didn't tell me how old she was, I didn't

know I was supposed to ask.” he said talking out loud to himself. Dammit, now I would be labeled,

now I will be tracked and constantly hounded. Looked at as an oddity of nature, a creature from hell.

The bell rang and he stepped out into a small group of people and then he saw Seymour, his

lawyer. I can't tell nobody about these things going through my mind, because I am afraid of exactly

what has happened, it is my fault, John thought. I am a sexual offender. “Hey John... you look good

 

my man.” Seymour said. “Are you ready to face the judge”? John looked at him and wondered, Why

 

 is this guy smiling? “Yeah,” he answered. 'You sure I will get probation?” John asked. “Don't worry

John, the fix is in,” He said while laughing. “You will plead guilty to sex with a minor and the judge

will give you probation, look John, I got you off easy it could have been worse, but you have to stay

out of trouble and follow the rules.

Lets go into the court now and get this over with.”